It Hurts

"It rains the hardest on the people who deserve the most sunshine."

When I was younger crying always seemed to be the answer. Now that I'm older crying seems to be the only option.

Everynight before I go to sleep I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. I try to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All I can see is a past that I barely recognize any more..

It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing is right...I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying..I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts too much to hold on anymore.

You say I'm always happy, and that I'm good at what I do, but what you'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actress too...I'm just learning how to smile, and that's not easy to do...Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone.

Death is God's way of saying "you're fired". Suicide is human’s way of saying "you can't fire me, I quit".I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left.

I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get though anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering.

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well I've tried that I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear.

I've come to the point where nothing matters anymore, and things I used to care about aren't worth fighting for.

I can't stop crying... I don't understand, and it's not the loud, screaming crying... it's just the tears continuously roll down my face, and I can't do anything to stop them.

In reality, I'm slowly losing my mind. Underneath the guise of smile, gradually I'm dying inside. Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly. Cause I don’t want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering. So I wear my disguise till I go home at night and turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry.

This isn't a perfect world. People do get hurt. You smile when you feel like crying. You act like you're ok, when you're falling apart inside. And you try to let go, you try to move on, because you know there's nothing else you could do..

I was like a flower that had been battered by a storm, but not quite destroyed. Gradually, I began to strengthen and bloom again...